Farnsworthless Shipped Out!

All Hail Brian Cashman! Why? Because he found another general manager desperate enough to take relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworthless. The hard-throwing righty threw nearly 100 mph...but could never get the necessary movement--or late-innning outs--to satisfy Yankee fans. A friend used to describe his basketball days as playing on the "thirty-team" --meaning he wouldn't see minutes unless his team was up or down by 30. That's how I'll forever think of Farnsworth--regardless of the Chicago Kool-aid Girardi made us all drink. Good riddance, Kyle. Need a lift to the airport?

In celebration of Farny's exit, here's a list of recent ex-Yankees who didn't quite fit the "Great Yankee" description. Curiously, the five that immediately come to mind are pitchers.

5. Kevin Brown--Game 7 2004 ALCS. Before late arriving fans settle into their seats, Brown departs in the first innning giving way to Javier Vazquez who gave up Johnny Damon's grand-slam. Here is what Brown did for me: jack-shit.

4. Randy Johnson--Granted, The Big Unit won 34 games over two seasons, but we never saw the same Freak of Nature who sported an 18-2 record for Seattle in 1995. In fact, Johnson loses more points in my book for having worse acne than anyone this side of former Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega.

3. Carl Pavano--You know you have an image problem when the New York Post dubs you "American Idle." It serves the Yankees right. They insist on signing a guy after his career year. Having a buttocks injury won't win any points with fans who think you sit on your ass all day.

2. Ed Whitson--Remember him? This nutjob was so paranoid of being bood at home, the Yankees would only pitch him on the road. Signed after his career year after 1983(Sound familiar?), he famously brawled with manager Billy Martin in Texas. After more careful consideration, perhaps Eddie Lee had reason: Some fans took to leaving thumb tacks in Whitson's driveway hoping to derail the pitcher on his way to the Stadium.

1. Roger Clemens--Adjectives descring Clemens' Yankee tenure are reminscent of the trajectory of Internet stocks: Hired Gun. World Series Hero. Steroid Cheat. LIAR. Perjuror. If I'm George Steinbrenner, during my last remaining moments of lucidity, I'd order PR man Howard Rubinstein to issue this edict: "Please return the the soil your children stole from the pitcher's mound after your 300th win. You are in possession of stolen property."

Of course, you might have your own list. And you're welcome Doyle Alexander, Cecil Fielder, Ed Figueroa, Gary Sheffield and Chuck Knoblauch.