New York Islanders Modern Day Mickey Mouse Operation

After a 13-4 drubbing of the New Jersey Devils in 1984 a game in which the Edmonton Oilers scored at will, Wayne Gretzky famously labeled the Devils a "Mickey Mouse operation on ice." But judging from a recent visit to Nassau Coliseum, the Great One could apply the tag to the modern day New York Islanders. Here are 10 reason why the Islanders could be considered Mickey Mouse.

10.) Ice Girls cleaning up ice during breaks in the action. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with hot chicks on the ice....but it smacks of minor league hockey

9.) Your team gets booed in its own building, especially when the New York Rangers come to town. Wanna solve the problem? Sell-out your building

8.)Outside of Rick DiPietro, Trent Hunter and Andy Hilbert, the team is devoid of NHL vetereans...Taken further, no stars means fewer dollars devoted to payroll means more dollars in owner's pocket.

7.)Other than the aforementioned Rangers, the team lives off its one glory period, 1979-1983, when it made five consecutive trips to the Stanley Cup finals--winning the first four

6.)Speaking of those Cup winning teams, banners memorializing coach Al Arbour's 1500 game is a joke, so is Bill Torrey's trademark bow-tie. The travesty regarding Arbour is that they brought him back for one game, two days shy of his 75th bithday.

5.)Team executives are more corrupt than government officials in Bridgeport and Rprovidence combined.

4.)After falling behind in the Ranger game, fans serenaded the Islanders with chants of "Kan-sas City, Kan-sas City"--the team's future home if the Wang gets his way

3.)Some Islander braintrust gave golaie Rick DiPietro a 15-year contract. Let that sink in for a minute. A U.S. president gets 8 years max!

2.)Former great Bryan Trottier demands payment for the privilidge of the team retiring his number 19. Imagine the balls of this guy to do it with a straight face.

1.)Incredibly because of short-sighted deals, the Islanders must share revenue from luxury, concessions and parking with Nassau county. The result? a $70 ticket for nose-bleed seats with an obstructed view.

A-Rod and The 5 Stages of Grief....

A-Rod's off-season exploits have been well-documented. But after the latest revelation--that he'll miss more than two months repairing a torn labrum--I feel spent. I don't know how to react anymore. It's always something with this guy.

Whether it's trying to swipe the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove during the 2004 ALCS or yelling "I got it" when running behind Toronto's John MacDonald a few years ago, everything A-Rod does is bush-league and calculated.

Rooting for Alex is like befriending an impossibly hot chick. You're happy that she talks to you but you're disappointed time and again. It's reached that point with Alex. You're just drained emotionally.

So here are the five stages of Grief as seen through the eyes of a Yankee fan.

Denial---What happened? A-Rod took steroids? When? I don't believe it. How can it be? Boy, the media won't leave this guy alone. Maybe Mike Francesa was corret when he said that some guys just can't make it in New York. The witch hunt continues.

Anger (after seeing that BS interview with Gammons)--That little bastard! Can't trust the Dominicans. Bolly? Are we kidding? And why is Madonna's manager insisting he wear that faggy blue v-neck? And who the fuck is going to play third base now? Get me Hank Steinbrenner's number...Can we void A-Roid contract? And who can play third base? Newcomer Nick Swisher? Grrrr. Season's wasted?

Bargaining--Okay Alex admitted it. Now we can go on and concentrate on the baseball season and begin debating important matters such as who's going to play center field. Why manager Joe Giradi should be shitcanned before the season starts...Not to mention who's going to play third base.

Depression I don't care anymore. What does it matter? A-Rod's hurt and will miss two months. The Yankees lost their best hitter and third baseman. Boston looked strong and Tampa and Toronto look better this year too. What's the use?

Acceptance I'm ready for whatever comes my way. Perhaps the Yankees will be a better team in the early going and get back to the teamwork during the 1996-2001 era. We don't miss A-Rod..we got Mark Teixera!

Ah, that little bit of Yankee rehab worked wonders..Thank goodness baseball season is around the corner and A-ROD successfully surgically repaired his torn labrum. Only every Yankee fans knows Alex is all thumbs.

Fallon in Train Wreck TV

I don't want to say I told you so....

Jimmy Fallon was very uncomfortable right from the opening monologue last night. Was the hands-in-the-pockets delivery during the monologue an homage to Johnny Carson? I hope so and I hope they tell him to stop that tonight. And the jokes....very tepid.

Now there are worse things in life than sucking at your own heavily hyped talk show. But was it a good idea to impersonate Robert DeNiro in front of Robert DeNiro? What's the best result here? Is DeNiro going to laugh at Fallon....like he's a clown? Like DeNiro's here to amuse Fallon...like's he's a clown? (Sorry couldn't resist)

And this deliberate attempt to make it all technological and hip came across as lame and stupid. "Jimmy on Facebook!" Who cares? NBC wanted this apparent "pushing the envelope" to be in the same style as Letterman circa 1982. Who tune in...you never what's going to happen! Please.

Yes, this will be a work in progress for NBC. All talk shows musyt given a puncher's chance to smooth out the kinks. But seriously who made the decisionto cast Fallon? Is it the ssme guy who put Celelbrity Apprentice on Sunday nights at 9?

You get the feeling that NBC has totally lost its way? Memo to Jeff "Zippy" Zucker...You have to get involved here.

Tina Fey tonight--She should give him some good material. Or at least make him a little more comfortable.

Snowbound Monday!

Some random thoughts on a snowbound Monday: Twelve inches in CT. Snow in March is gay.

Call me crazy but I think Jimmy Fallon's new talk show (which debuts tonight) has a good chance of being Train Wreck TV. I saw Fallon guesting for Letterman during Dave's heart attack hiatus and he sucked. Visibly nervous. Don't get me wrong--I liked him on Weekend Update but some can't make the jump to carrying their own show. See Chase, Chevy. DeNiro--who rarely does television interviews--is Jimmy's first guest. I'll be sure to tune in ---at 12:30. CMON.

I'm watching the Baseball Network and they're in the middle of previewing the 30 baseball teams. Today? The Houston Astros. They are actually talking about Mike Hampton making 30 starts. Mike Hampton....If I wasn't doubled over in laughter, I'd actually explain it here.

Anyone catch Steve Kroft interviewing Harry Markopoulos last night on 60 Minutes? For those of you dumbasses who don't know, Markopoulos was the would-be Madoff whistleblower who sent five letters to the SEC urging the investigation into Madoff's firm. The SEC did nothing. Markopoulos told Kroft (I swear Kroft gets the best stories. Guy is Aces. Love Kroft.) the investigators at the SEC couldn't spot fraud, even if you instructed where to look. The SEC investigators simply don't have the sophistication. That's a damn strong statement. But then Markopoulos should know. He figured out the Madoff scheme in less than five hours. Great piece.

While we're at it, can we cut the shit with penciling in stats for certain players. Last year, some people who should know better, figured Yankee pitcher Phil Hughes was good for 18 wins. He finished the 2008 season with exactly zero wins. This year's hot rookie is Mark Melancon--who's being touted as Mariano's replacement in waiting. Can I at least see Melancon close out the Tampa Rays first? Already he's the Yankee closer? Only in baseball do you see such lofty statements.

Giants signed Cowboys defensive end Chris Canty...That will hurt Dallas next year.

Sean Avery will return to the Rangers this week. Will it help? Well, it couldn't hurt. They're fucked. The NHL trade deadline is tomorrow. Can the Rangers swing a big deal?

The Dow saw 6,999 today. What the fuck is going on?

Top 10 Reasons To Fire Glen Sather

10.) Gave Bryan Trottier a coaching gig after being pitched the job on a coacktail napkin

9.) Bitched and moaned whilst in small-market Edmonton. Then spent like drunken sailor in NY. (And sucks managing today's salary cap)

8.) Short of hiring Osama bin Laden, Sather's creepy realtionship with Garden boss Jim Dolan provides him the Teflon-status not seen since Fredo Coreleone when his mother still alive

7.) Maneuvers NHL Drafts with all the dexterity and finesse as did Dick Clark last New Year's Eve. Don't beleive me? In 2003, for example, the Rangers used the 12th overall choice to select Dartmouth College forward Hugh Jessiman. In doing so, they passed on Dustin Brown (13th), Brent Seabrook (14th), Zach Parise (17th), Ryan Getzlaf (19th), Brent Burns (20th), Ryan Kesler (23rd), Mike Richards (24th), Loui Eriksson (33rd), and Patrice Bergeron (45th)..Jessiman is no longer with the team

6.) Let Jagr, Shanahan and Avery walk and replaced them with Nik Zherdev (the modern day Alex Kovalev) past-his-prime Markus Naslund and Aaron Voros.

5.) By compiling too many of the same player (Callahan, Dubinsky, Dawes) he's seems to be taking a page from true genius Lou Lamoriello.

4.)He had Gretzky, Messier, & Coffey in their prime and mistakenly thought his a birthright to drink from the Cup

3.) Slats is gay nickname for a grown man

2.) Two words: Wade Redden.

1.) Since he got to 33rd and 7th nine years ago, Sather's won exactly TWO playoff rounds

Separated at Birth

New York Gov. David Paterson


Rangers coach John Tortorella

NY Rangers Fire Renney, Hire Tortorella

Tom Renney deserved better. The New York Rangers apparently thinking they can still save the season fired coach Tom Renney today. Unfortunately, Jim Dolan fired the wrong guy. It should have been Glen Sather. Renney deserved better than he got. After all, was it Renney who brought in past their prime free agents in Markus Naslund and Wade Redden? Nope. Was it Renney who let Jagr, Shanahan and Avery walk? Nope. This team is Sather's mess to fix. Michael Obernaur of the Daily News remarked that Sather is on his fifth coach on nine years which "borders on Isiah territory."

John Tortorella, a former Rangers assistant who won a Stanley Cup with Tampa in 2004, was named as coach. Apparently "Torts" is something of a hard-ass, which is directly opposite of the laid-back Renney. Good. Maybe it'll sink in to pay attention to the little things, such as taking too many men on the ice penalties (that happened twice yesterday). Maybe it'll sink in that on the Power Play, you shouldn't give up goals while on two-man adventage.

It'll be interesting to see if the Rangers are buyers or sellers at next week's trade deadline. Although in this day and age, who's going to take on bad contracts such as Redden's. Just when you thought the NHL lockout wiped the slate clean on big contracts, the Rangers go right up to the salary cap limit.

At least the Rangers are saying the right things about Renney on the way out. Too bad their play couldn't speak loud enough while he was here. After all, he deserved better.